Certified Troll

These are not just dolls with huge eyes and coarse, stiff hair that became a must-have for kids in the 90s. They actually live among us and some of us have the sheer misfortune of encountering them and being acquainted with them.

I hope this helps you spot a troll and how not to trollify yourself. πŸ˜€

Cyber Trolls

FeelingerTroll: Those who think that you actually thought of them when you made a status update (when in truth not even their shadow crossed your mind when you did). And then they will feel so hurt because in their inane minds, they think the post is meant for them. WTHIWWY?

One incident that stands out in my memory is the photo I reposted about the NatGeo Run. Β It was actually a public post that a friend reposted on Facebook (his thoughts), which I thought was pretty ironic and so I reposted. And then, lo and behold! Someone actually thought that the post was meant for him just because he ran. And off he went in detail why people like me should not judge based on one photo alone. Β I learned later on, he was one of the guilty ones who littered, hence the need to defend himself and clear things up like he is the organizer.Β 

KomentarisTroll: Those who comment without thoroughly reading a post #MakaCommentLang. There is a serious epidemic of this kind of troll in satire articles like this. Make sure you don’t miss out on the comments. πŸ˜‰

RanTroll: Those who incessantly rant on Facebook or Twitter; every single post is so negative you wondered if dementors are actually real and they attack us lowly muggles.

Lovestruck Troll: Those who profess their love for each other so public and so often, you actually start to think: Do you keep on saying that to convince us or yourself? It’s probably just me; so I’m sincerely happy for you if you are. πŸ˜‰ I just believe that grand and public professions of love are not daily requirements for a relationship to work.

ShareTroll:Β Those who share even the most mundane thing they are doing with their lives. Now cooking. Now eating. Now sleeping. Understandably, that’s how you roll. I get it. But maybe you can make it visible to people who actually care? Or do you think we should feel honored and privileged that you update us with the details of your life, 24×7?

The Braggart and the Blessed: Those who inconspicuously post their β€˜blessings’ especially on Facebook. There is a fine line between sincerely thanking Him for the blessings we receive (an expensive gift, a new house/condo, etc.) and (quietly) bragging to your friends what you have.

Real Life Trolls

These kinds we actually bumped into almost everywhere.

VITroll: Those who feel entitled not to queue because they are friends with the barker or the driver. Those who ride shuttles/FX can so relate to this πŸ˜‰ And so even when there is an obvious long queue, they refuse to fall in line instead, they will overtake everyone else and thick-facedly take the front seat.

IngraTroll1: Girls who think it is the men’s obligation to offer their seat in public transpos like bus, jeep or train, hence they do not feel inclined to thank them. That is an act of kindness, ergo, solicits a smile and a β€˜thank you’.Β  Hindi ikinakaganda ang pagiging suplada nang wala sa lugar.Β 

IngraTroll2: People who do not know how to thank their co-passengers for giving their fare to the jeepney/fx drivers. They maybe seated closer to the driver but it is not their obligation to get your fare. Hindi sila konduktor.

AirconTroll: Those who hoard the aircon vent unto themselves just because their proximity allows them to maneuver it regardless if other people are sweating pellets already.

Hollerback Troll: These are people onboard public transpos who talk on their phones so loud that after their conversation, you already know the reason for their breakup or what the family feud is all about or that their 16-year old neighbor is impregnated by their 30-something neighbor.

Music BlastTroll: These are people who set the volume of their players so loud that you can actually play Name That Tune with your co-passengers.

CamTrolls: Those who wear their DSLR cameras around their neck like an accessory to complete their outfit. Kung makayabang naman talaga. *raised eyebrow*

DinoTroll: Those whose brains are so miniscule you are surprised they are still living among us and not extinct like the dinosaurs. But Tagalog translate it far better: makitid ang utak.

One good example. When someone tacitly declares war with people who are associated with his enemy. Β Just because this person had a row with another, the diminutive brain processes it like this: Dahil magkaaway tayo, kaaway ko din yung mga taong sa pakiramdam ko kampi sa’yo.Β  This is actually a first grader brain in a 30-something body. * Apologies if I have offended a mature first grader πŸ˜‰ *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool

than to speak out and removeΒ all doubt.

– Mark Twain

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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16 Comments

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16 responses to “Certified Troll

  1. Such a detailed and informative post! πŸ™‚ I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a notepad handy everytime you see a troll on the street and jots down their mannerisms. hahaha

    I especially hate cam trolls. Especially in malls, and they take photos of every minuscule object. At the foodcourt. πŸ™‚

    Thanks for the special mention again! hahahaha

    Gonna press that “Post Comment” button down there now.

    • Thank you πŸ˜€ Commuting everyday and being constantly on FB provide inspiration for post like this. I’m really a MaldiTroll. hahaha

      I understand the passion for taking photos but some are just OA, it’s annoying. ( -_-)

      Your posts are sincerely one of the best I’ve read. Makes me wonder, have you ever been Freshly Pressed? You should be! \m/

  2. ~>B-) <- this is you, the Malditroll hahaha

    OA wouldn't even come close. Mga feelingera/ro porke may hawak πŸ™‚

    I'm embarrassed to ask what Freshly Pressed means. Hindi ko kabisado mga terms, SEO, PR, YEO, PAREKO, etc…

    Somehow those two words are not forming the right image in my brain. Too much 'art' film siguro hahaha πŸ™‚

    • Like!!! Talagang may usok sa ulo ung smiley ko or is that sungay? hahaha

      Feeling tapos naka-auto mode naman… di na lang nag digicam >_<

      Ayan! Alam na. hahaha πŸ˜€ Freshly Pressed are those posts that gets featured in the WordPress homepage; you really should get FP'd πŸ˜‰

      • ~ = this is the troll hair. Medyo nalagas na sa konsumisyon
        > = is your eyebrows. diba maldita nga? hahaha

        I once imitated someone who was taking pictures of the shirts on the wall of Uniqlo MOA. Took out my crappy Nokia phone and started miming like I had a DSLR too. True story πŸ™‚

        A… not sure if meron, pero some of the hits from the Diablo 3 article came from WordPress’ BOTD. Same ba yun? πŸ™‚

        • Me likey the smiley a lot πŸ˜€ … este ~>B-)
          For some strange reason, I believe you’re the type who will actually do that. Buti di ka inaway. hehehe. Maldito ka din pala eh ~>B-)

          Huwaatt??! 816 comments?! Insane!!! I’m not sure if BOTD and FP are the same. Maybe your post became BOTD bec of its popularity that day. Getting FP’d on the other hand, is like being chosen by WP as one of the best posts. I’m just guessing. hehehe.

          FP’d or not, your posts are unbelievably witty and hilarious (pag nakuha ang joke!) πŸ˜€

  3. Minsan lang ako maldito, parang “snow”sa pinas ang peg.

    btw, ano ang derivation ng “peg” ? hahaha

    Not so strange if you stereotyped me agad as cray cray on 1st impression hahaha πŸ™‚ I was w/ my wife then, kaya malakas loob ko. If not, shy type “akels”. hahaha

    Thanks2x, nakakataba ng pimples! πŸ™‚ I actually wrote the NKOTBSB article as a jab to my sister who was a huge fan of nick carter and she wasn’t able to watch. hahaha πŸ™‚

    • I really don’t know its origin but maybe from one of its meaning > basis or reason ??? hirap naman ng tanong mo. hehehe
      Talagang kung maka first impression ako eh noh? FC lang! Feeling close. hahaha

      Kawawa naman si sister… nalurkey sa paghihintay, di man lang nasilayan. πŸ˜€

  4. baka pegged? parang pegged as? I thought kasi gay lingo or jejemon eh hahaha πŸ™‚

    Oo nga eh hahaha ikaw hindi pa nga nastestereotype eh hhahaha

    Funny nga pala you mentioned the runner on the above post. His comment is driving me to write something about running/biking being “in” πŸ™‚ Did my research already on last week’s run hahaha

    Maybe you can share your thoughts on the issue hahaha

  5. Astig! May drawing pa hahaha was giggling while reading it πŸ™‚
    Betchicola ko si deadmadela (pati drawing) at tempura hahaha πŸ™‚

    More like tarantado than talentado I think hahaha πŸ™‚

  6. Ivy Chua

    I would love a collection of these trolls. Pero gusto ko yung doll figure lang ha with his shaggy, wavy , colored hair.Not the real person huh. Nice write up. I like it.

    Mukhang inspired ka and and i know one of your inspirations with this. πŸ˜‰

  7. I clicked on your name on So, What’s News and I landed on your blog.

    Loved the Real Life Trolls, really. The hollerback troll reminded me of an old joke about a man in a public toilet.

    The online behaviors you outlined pretty much summed up the reasons why I got bored with Twitter and Facebook, at least that’s what I say as palusot kuno. Wala na lang akong matinong update. hehehe

    • I really should thank SWN, commenting on his posts ups my stats. πŸ˜€

      I remember that joke too! πŸ˜€ I try not to get bored & annoyed with FB, because it’s only through it that I can easily connect with friends. Kaya tiis ganda or I just ignore those posts.

      This may be totally unrelated but I never connected my Twitter to FB; so that not the same people will comment on my posts. It kind of gives Twitter a different life.

      Thanks for visiting, Brianitus! πŸ˜€

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