Every man and woman’s nightmare is here. February. For singles, ‘tis the season where your being single is slapped on your forehead as reminder; as if all the sappy love songs and siamese-like lovers are not enough. For couples, ‘tis the season where grand professions of love must be displayed, otherwise your partner feels you don’t love her/him anymore just because ‘twas a smaller/cheaper gift than the one he/she got the year before.
But this is not about that (maybe in the next posts… if laziness doesn’t strike).
I have seen my parents, married friends or those living together to see what makes or breaks a marriage or relationship. And so, I thought of listing promises to my married self. Not that it’s in the offing; I’m million miles away from that. I cast these upon the great cosmic void. Who knows, The Lost Prince may finally arrive, amazed at my sheer awesomeness and positively drooling over my sexiness. Oh yes, these are actually only visible to him because he absolutely adores me. I won’t entertain protests. Wag na’ng kumontra.
1. I promise to win my in-laws’ affection and respect.
If we should ever have to live with your parents, I promise to charm them and sincerely win them over. I love their son and that means loving everything that comes along with him.
The fact that they provided you shelter when you both don’t have the capacity to live on your own, you should learn to adjust to their ways and try your best to live with them. It is NEVER the other way around. Ikaw ang dapat matutong makisama. Not only are they older than you, you are living in their house. Therefore, their rules. Alangan naman sila pa ang makisama sa’yo?! Sounds a tad too familiar…
If you don’t wash dishes from where you came from, wash the dishes in your husband’s/partner’s home. If they are cooking the meals, at least ask if they need help. Or since they didn’t ask for your help in cooking since they know how kitchen-challenged you are, at least offer to wash the dishes.
Simple, doable things, right? You don’t have to be OA about it. Be sensitive. Use your common sense.
Endear yourself to the people around you so that when you leave, they will miss you and not feel relieved that you (finally) did.
2. I promise to communicate with my husband.
Communication plays a huge part in any relationship. Whether it’s a regular day or one of those battle days, I will find the balance of just-talking-without-prying and just-reminding-without-nagging. Learn proper timing.
You cannot expect the other to know how you’re feeling when you simply sulk and pout. It is not going to solve anything. Sometimes it’s the little things that you don’t say out loud that piles in your head and in your heart; soon, it reaches its saturation point and your anger explodes into epic proportion over the littlest mistake he made.
At this point, you can be hysterical already and going on historical. You dig up his past mistakes and he, on the other hand, will look so clueless and be so pissed that you’re bringing all these out now when you could have told him when you had the chance.
3. I promise to try (really hard) from meeting my husband’s bad mood or anger head on.
Everyone has a bad day. And sometimes one flares up easier than the other over almost nothing. If you can still reign in your emotion, hold it back and not clash with him head on. Anger will let you say things you don’t mean and once you’ve said it, you cannot take it back.
Even when texting, NEVER reply when you’re mad. It’s better not to reply if you’re still fuming like a dragon. Let minutes pass or an hour before you reply. By then you have calmed down and your wits are about you again.
4. I promise to let him have his free time.
This entails trust and must not be subject to abuse. We all need a little space where we can do what we love and maintain friendships that we have long before we were married.
Kung ayaw mong pagduduhan ka at pagisipan ka ng masama, be honest about your plans of going out with your friends.
Being married doesn’t mean living in our own little world. We have the family we grew up with; friends who helped us in difficult times (and that includes the days when we’re at each other’s throat); and you cannot simply cast them aside just because you’re married.
5. I promise to look just as good as the day my husband fell in love with me.
Women tend to fall into a rut of complacency especially with how they physically look as the marriage years go by. And then you complain that your husband’s eyes wander and he does a Linda Blair when you’re out on a stroll.
NEVER make the mistake of taking your physical self for granted. It is easy to let yourself go because you love your family so much that they have become your priority. That is noble. But don’t make that as an excuse to be losyang. You will rue the day you did.
6. I promise not to be boring in ALL aspects of our relationship.
We are looking at spending years upon years of togetherness and you have to keep things interesting and alive. Don’t get stuck into a rut of endless routine.
Do not stagnate. Sometimes our love for our family, leads to forgetting ourselves. As our family grows, so should we. Don’t lose your novelty. Learn a new skill. If it amounts to pole dancing or striptease dancing… GO!!!
The moment we fail to keep our partners interested, is the day they will look for that somewhere else. In the office or even the internet.
In a nutshell…
7. I promise to be a decent woman in the presence of everyone else and a personal “streetwalker” to my husband.